I've never felt insecure about my body until I went to Las Vegas for my 21st birthday. Let me tell you, if you go to Vegas.. make sure you're mentally prepared to get slapped in the face for not going to the gym more often. I've never seen so many gorgeous and perfectly flawless people in my life. ALL the girls there were so skinny and their curves were on point. Let me tell you.. as a girl with no curves, I was extremely self-conscious.
I have always felt my body was a little awkward. I feel like my body hasn't really matured? Is that the word? You know.. like your body doesn't look womanly? I still .. stuck in a girl's body. Like I don't have those sharp features that make a woman. Is that silly to say? Anyway, being in Vegas made me feel ugly. Why you ask? Because it seemed like all the guys wanted those curvy, skinny girls. I didn't have that look. That perfect make-up and hair.. with the right outfit and shoes. Flat out, I did not feel attractive.
Now, I don't consider myself to be ugly nor pretty. I feel like I'm in a different category. Which honestly, I don't mind. I realized through this experience that I DON'T NEED TO BE THAT GIRL. Sometimes that kind of attention is good to be not have. I don't want that look because I feel like that look is not real. Those girls, those guys checking them out and hitting on them based on those looks.. I don't want that. It's not right. It's superficial. I would much rather have a person think I'm attractive based on me.
So what if I don't have those perky boobs. So what if I don't have that skinny waist and perfect face and hair. I'm me. And that's good enough for me. I realized that those girls must have either worked really hard or not at all, but either way.. I don't give a rats ass. I'll never be able to achieve that and I'm okay with that now. I don't care.
They don't matter. I matter. I am me. AWKWARD BODIES woot! So here's to me and my awkwardness. I may not be "hot" and that's okay. My advice to anybody is.. It's okay. Sorry for the rant.. but this is what's been on my mind.
xo linda
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